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TA would hit it (she totally would) February 10, 2008

Posted by Teen Atheist in anecdotes, career, friends.
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Just finished my first week of work, and it was hella fun. Yay, me!

I met all sorts of interesting people at work. There’s my semi-cute, early-30’s boss, Mr. McKenzie, who doesn’t really make my heart race when I see him (plus he kind of has a beer gut), although I’d still hit it. I’d totally hit it. I’ve never had that phrase repeated so often in my head in one week. Whenever he’s got his back turned and I’m checking out his butt, I’m like, “I’d hit it.” When my co-workers squeal about how gorgeous he is, I’d say, “He’s not that hot, but I’d hit it.” Haven’t you ever encountered that kind of person? You know s/he’s totally wrong for you, and maybe isn’t even your type, but you’d still tap that ass given the chance. I’ve only experienced that kind of thing with McKenzie and with a former teacher of mine, Mr. Dexter, who somehow managed to be a Catholic and a Wiccan at the same time. He was weird, pale and spindly, but still kind of hot. Don’t ask me why.

McKenzie picks on me a lot because I’m the Opie of the workplace, but I’m handling it pretty well. I think McKenzie and I would have been good friends under other circumstances, but since he’s my boss, I find him just a little bit intimidating.

Back to the co-workers: fat, condescending uber-bitch Judy. I took this job knowing that people would probably underestimate me because I’m at least a decade younger than everybody else, but Judy is in a class all her own. She’s twice the bitch on the outside that I am on the inside, and that’s saying a lot, because you all know I’m a total bitch inside. I tried to be friendly towards her, but she’d raise an eyebrow and then turn her back on me. Whatever, nobody else likes her, anyway. Maybe she’s just jealous because she’s a 29-year-old college grad who’s earning the same amount as a dumb teenager fresh out of high school? Hee.

We have Annie, 27, sweet but slightly clueless. I spend most of my time with her, I guess because she was the first to approach me when I was new to the workplace. I sort of have to dumb myself down when I talk to her, but I don’t mind too much. It’s nice to not have to be on my toes all the time.

Ray, 24, brings out the inner dork in me, which is why I love hanging out with him. In the middle of work, we’d jump out of our seats and sing showtunes to each other! He’s the Jim to my Pam, if you remove the underlying romantic tension from the equation.

If all goes well, then Mikey, 28, will soon be my Gay BFF. Tee-hee. We like all the same things, and we get along great. He’s the only guy in the office whom I feel is on my level, intellectually.

Then there’s Carl, a kind father of two in his mid-thirties who sits next to me at work. I don’t know how the discussion came to religion, but it did, and when he told me he was an atheist, I breathed a huge sigh of relief, told him I was an atheist too, and then high-fived him. (What? It’s hard to find fellow atheists here!) Unfortunately, Murray, the mid-50’s guy who sits behind us, overheard the conversation and wheeled his chair over to share his thoughts on God and faith. I know he meant well, but it was incredibly TL; DR, and I spent most of that monologue trying not to space out. To make things worse, it was an “I used to be an atheist, but…” story. “But then I decided that logic just wasn’t for me.” (Okay, it was “But then my mom got cancer.” At least it’s an interesting twist to the whole “My mom got cancer so I became an atheist” story.)

It’s another annoying habit that theists have. It happened to me before when I had dinner with Joe, a hugely irritating friend-of-a-friend. I was telling him about my rocky relationship with my family and how horrible they are to me just because I’m an atheist. From out of nowhere, he starts preaching to me about “it’s not really about God, it’s about love” and blah blah fishcakes, and I just nodded and smiled even though I was thinking, “Guh, what? Worst date ever.”

I don’t know what compels someone to do it, but whenever I say that I’m an atheist, a believer who happens to hear me will suddenly go into a looooong sermon on the tenets of Catholicism or whatever. I hate to break it to you guys, but theists? We usually don’t care. Well, I’m speaking for myself, anyway. You’re not going to convert me by saying something long and boring about a topic I don’t give a flying fuck about, when we could instead be talking about something interesting, like rock music.

Murray’s actually my friend, and I like the guy, but once he was out of earshot, I whispered to Carl, “This is exactly why I don’t tell everybody I meet that I’m an atheist.”

Carl: “Agreed.”


1. Joseph L. - February 10, 2008

As a 19 year old (male) atheist I love reading your blog. It’s refreshing to read the thoughts of someone my own age whom I can relate to, especially since I currently reside in the middle of the Bible Belt in the US.

Keep up the blogging TA! You rock.

2. overcaffein8d - February 10, 2008

Yeah. What he said.

Even the bible belt part 🙂

you’re freaking awesome, TA.

3. Teen Atheist - February 10, 2008

Thanks, guys, but while greatly appreciated, all praise (and other off-topic comments) belong in the Feedback page.

4. Roe - February 11, 2008

Love the stories, keep em coming.

5. Holy Prepuce - February 12, 2008

Or, in other words, “Until it happened to my Mom, I was fine accepting that getting cancer was just the result of bad luck in an unconcious universe. But now I prefer to believe that it is the result of a loving God actively trying to kill her.”

6. theShaggy - February 13, 2008

Prepuce, you kicks ass. It always makes me laugh when the thing they take comfort in (i.e. God) rears its hypocritical head. I won’t ramble, but I so want to write a paper on how everything the Loving God tells us is a distortion of the truth, which is that God only wants to end the universe he created.

Anyhow, TA, it is SO good to read stories on your blog about good people and good times, not just your crazy family. How are they doing, anyway?

7. Teen Atheist - February 13, 2008

Anyhow, TA, it is SO good to read stories on your blog about good people and good times, not just your crazy family. How are they doing, anyway?

Ha! Good point. One of the great things about my job is that I rarely get to see my family, so it’s a huge load off my back. I’m happy to report that I’m unable to answer your question. I have no idea. Hee. 😛

8. The world is shallow. Trufax. « Diary of a Teenage Atheist - February 16, 2008

[…] I continue, let me give you a brief description of Murray, whom I’d mentioned in my last post as the co-worker who gave an unsolicited lecture to me and fellow atheist Carl. That TL;DR moment […]

9. Psychodiva - February 16, 2008

I hate it when theists do that- why don’t you tell them you are not interested? or even better- when they mention something to do with their god wheel your chair on over and start lecturing them on how atheism changed your life etc etc 🙂 I say get your own back!

10. Teen Atheist - February 17, 2008

Now, now, we don’t want to stoop down to their level. 😛 I do like your first suggestion, though. I think I’ll go with that. 🙂

11. GDad - February 17, 2008

I totally thought that “wheeled his chair over” meant that he was in a wheelchair. That would have made his god-conversion even more inexplicable.

12. Teen Atheist - February 17, 2008

Oh, LOL! No, it was just one of those office chairs.

13. poppies - May 6, 2008

This blog is frickin hilarious.

“He was weird, pale and spindly, but still kind of hot.” = best line I’ve read all day. 🙂

Theist or not, I gotta make this one of my regular stops.

14. Sargeist - June 7, 2008

I found this blog recently, and it’s great. And being weird, pale and spindly myself, the chance of getting women from the [censored] (if I have guessed correctly) “tapping my ass” is something I would look forward to with eagerness. 😉 *wink wink* etc etc

Lots of great articles on here.

15. Teen Atheist - June 8, 2008

Weird, pale and spindly is just my type, Sargeist. Hee.

Thank you!

16. Sargeist - June 9, 2008

Hi, Sorry I should have [censored] myself last time. I must have just assumed that any mentions of [censored] would get automagically [censored] by some amazingly “godlike” hand (joke).

I used to have a blog myself – well it is probably still there – but never found very much to write about. The last time I wrote anything substantial was back with the Muhammad cartoons business in Denmark. And all I did was slag off nonsensical belief in stupid sky fairies. Oh well. The overwhelming urge to scream does still hit me whenever I read anything about religion – which is most of the time I open any newspaper or turn on the TV.

17. Teen Atheist - June 9, 2008

S’alright, Sargeist. It’s just standard for me to censor the location after answering the question. I forgot to mention that your guess was correct. 😉

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