jump to navigation

Yes, my atheist life is this boring. August 9, 2008

Posted by Teen Atheist in anecdotes, career, issues, rants.
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,
26 comments

Excuses on why I haven’t posted in about a month now:

  1. Religion is no longer something I want to discuss with my parents. (However, I get more and more resentful that I have to sit and wait while they pray before dinner. At least I have breakfast and lunch elsewhere, and with co-workers who, while religious, don’t shove their beliefs in my face.)
  2. Workplace drama isn’t all that interesting. It’s mostly bitchy co-workers making rumors about me, like I’m fucking my married boss, et cetera. Tedious.
  3. I don’t have much time to go online, and when I do I’m usually feeding my crush on Steven Weber and Casey from Make Me a Supermodel. (He’s a Buddhist! He thinks that “the whole peace and love thing is, like…awesome”! Is it weird that I find that totally sexy?)

Now, I did mention that workplace drama isn’t all that blog-worthy, but I’ve experienced some new, weird reactions to my admitting my atheism.

Once, I was talking about a dire-but-funny situation with Gary, 36, and for some reason he asks…

Gary: “So, are you a Catholic or a Born Again Christian?”

TA: “Atheist, why?”

Gary: “Oh, never mind.”

TA: “No, really, why were you asking?”

Gary: “It’s nothing.”

Then just yesterday, I was walking home with Marc, 28, and we were talking about his close encounter with a different married boss whom he’s crushing on big-time.

Marc: “Are you a Catholic, or…?”

TA: “Atheist.”

Marc: “Oh okay, nevermind.”

TA: “Why?”

Marc: “No, I was just asking.”

It’s weird how they get eerily quiet about it, like there was a joke they wanted to tell you but they refrained from it because people of your “kind” probably wouldn’t get it. What does this reaction even mean? It’s good that they’re not going into some idiotic argument about how I should see the light or whatever, but are they scared to offend me now? I like offensive jokes as much as the next guy. Take this hilarious skit from Judd Apatow and friends.

…Man, I love me some Jews. (And Justin Long! Woohoo!)

On the tangent of interesting things I found on the Intarwebz, I’d been Googling Christian Bale since watching him in The Dark Knight (unpopular opinion: I liked Heath Ledger’s Joker, but my favorite performance in that movie was Aaron Eckhart as Two-Face). Much digging led to my discovery of a full recording of the less successful of Todd Haynes’ two rock-star-inspired films,Velvet Goldmine.

Now, the movie itself wasn’t the greatest thing ever, but it was definitely interesting, and worth watching just for Ewan McGregor’s brilliant turn as the Iggy Pop avatar Curt Wild. He was a revelation! I’d been “eh” about him before, but after seeing the awesomeness that is Curt Wild, I am all over this boy. Plus, he’s one of the very few men who look hot in platinum blond hair and guyliner. Is anyone else as psyched to see I Love You Phillip Morris as I am?

Check out his rocktastic take on “TV Eye” (warning: NSFW!):

Velvet Goldmine had me as wistful as Christian Bale’s character in the movie, even though I wasn’t even alive in the 70’s. It was more centered around the sexual freedom of the era, which made me sad in realizing the truth: that we’d experienced a regression since then. Whatever happened to the days when being gay or bisexual was cool?

And then I get to thinking, was it easier to be an atheist back then, as well?

Advertisements

The one blog that can convince us atheists that God is awesome May 16, 2008

Posted by Teen Atheist in anecdotes.
Tags: , , , ,
9 comments

If not “awesome,” then at least ridiculously funny.

Not even the Almighty Creator is immune from finding some of the shit in this (Godforsaken? Hee) world annoying, so He’s decided to create a blog about it. Over at Stuff God Hates, nobody’s safe from His Wrath. God takes potshots at cats, Africa, Patrick Swayze and anal sex. Reading and having a good laugh about The Good Lord’s hatred is enough to brighten my day, even, which goes to show you that the guy is simply divine. (I’d say “fabulous,” but I don’t think He’d like that too much.)

Some of my favorite God quotes:

“And I’m a big, big fan of the current guy, Pope Benedict XVI. He’s My kind of Pope – tough like a marine but crazy like a ninja. Way better than the last guy, old Whats-His-Face-Whiny-Bitch II. Trained by the Nazis to be a stone cold killer when he was just a boy, Benedict still keeps his Hitler Youth knife tucked safely under his pillow when he sleeps. Like I said, My kind of Pope.”

“Oh! How I wish humans could be more like dogs! They are decent, obedient, and love you unconditionally without question – even if you beat them. They set a great example.”

“I and I alone, The Sovereign Lord God Almighty, was responsible for every phase of [the September 11, 2001 attack]  – the planning, the flying, the blowing shit up – that was all Me! And quite frankly, I’m sick of other people getting the credit. I mean, what the hell do I have to do? I even posed in the smoke for you people and what do you do? You give the credit to Satan. ARGGH!”

“I’M COMING FOR YOU WITH MY CHERUBIM AND MY FLAMING SWORD AND I’M GOING TO SMITE YOU SO FRICKING HARD!”

Hee, I love that God says “frick,” like Elliot from Scrubs.

“Some of you might be thinking, wait, wasn’t it Jesus Christ who got crucified and not God the Father? Well technically, yes. But the thing you have to remember is that Me and My Son Jesus, we’re actually the same person! I know it sounds kinda schizophrenic and deranged, but it’s true! See, there are three parts of My Personality: The Angry/Vengeful Father, The Loving/Naive Son, and The Confusing/Lazy Holy Spirit. If you don’t know what that last one is, it’s kind of like the black smoke from Lost.”

Best TV analogy ever.

“I’m going to use all My Godly Powers to make sure [Hillary Clinton] loses the only thing she’s ever cared about (becoming Emperor) to some smiley-faced black guy who can talk pretty.”

Now, I’m a huge Barack Obama supporter, but my favorite part about that quote is not that He’s smiting Hillary, but “smiley-faced black guy who can talk pretty” is a hilariously spot-on description.

The Big Papa in the Sky probably still hates me for, well, being an atheist, but either way, I still love this blog. Angry God of this Blog, I love You in a Roberto Benigni kind of way.  Stuff God Hates gets a big two-thumbs-up from the Teen Atheist.

I can’t wait for the day when God takes on Apple and Steve Jobs.